Insight From a Behavior Consultant: Do Your Kids Listen to You?
Talking to your child sounds as if it should be easy enough — after all, it's just a conversation. But as any parent knows, communication with children can be challenging. From trying to get them to obey rules, do homework or take part in family activities, effective communication is essential. Kids have the ability to listen but sometimes just don't want to. Or, the adult is not speaking in a way that will grab their attention.
That’s where the role of behavior consultants comes in. They are able to help parents learn how to better communicate with their children in ways that will make a difference. Kids know what they are being asked to do and can understand, but sometimes need a bit of guidance on how to listen better. Or the parent may need help in how to phrase requests. This blog will help explore how to know when to use different techniques to get your child to listen and engage with you.
Listening is a Challenge For Both Kids and Parents
One of the most frustrating challenges for parents is getting their children to actually listen. Parents often find themselves repeating the same phrase or request multiple times, and eventually giving up. They end up doing it themselves or losing their temper. Leading to poor relationships between parents and their children, not to mention a feeling of frustration.
What is the cause of this listening challenge? It’s a variety of factors.
Developmental Stages and Attention Spans
When children are young it's expected that they are able to pay attention one minute per year of age. That is why a four-year-old should be able to focus for about four minutes at one time. However, when a parent is asking a child to do something, this may be too long an attention span for the child. This can be frustrating for the child as they become bored or don't understand what is being asked. Leading the parent to repeat the request multiple times until they finally get a response.
Now, as children age, their attention span should increase. However, this is not always the case due to mental health challenges such as ADHD or autism, which can affect their ability to focus. But overall, children's attention spans can vary greatly depending on the task and their interest in it.
Distractions in the Modern World
We live in a world that is full of distractions and is constantly full of stimulation. From screens to social media, children are often exposed to a lot of different sounds and images. When parents are speaking to their child, they have to compete with all background noise and other forms of distraction.
Parenting Styles and Communication Strategies
Lastly, parents need to be aware of their own parenting style and communication strategies. If a parent is always yelling or shouting, their child may not take them seriously. Or if a parent is only speaking with commands and never having an actual conversation with their child, then the child may become disengaged. One way to address this is by consulting with a behavior consultant. A behavior consultant can help parents find different ways to talk to their children that will be effective and will help foster positive relationships.
All Children Listen Differently
Just like we all learn differently, children listen differently as well. Some may be more attentive than others, some may need more time to process instructions, and some may become overwhelmed in a noisy environment. Learning how your child listens can benefit you in recognizing when to use different techniques or strategies.
Another factor to take into consideration is their development and age. As mentioned above, you should not expect a four-year-old to pay attention for more than four minutes. This is why it’s important to provide clear and concise instructions when speaking with a child. You should also not expect a child younger than 3 to perfectly follow two-step instructions.
Creating a Conducive Listening Environment
One way to ensure your child can listen better is to create a conducive environment. To do this you can reduce background noise and other distractions so your child can focus on the conversation. Ensuring that your child can understand the instrutions or the requests is vital, too. Setting a timer can help to limit instructions and requests so that your child does not become overwhelmed by too many at once.
As parents, you have seen your child learn through watching what you and others do. This is why it’s important to also demonstrate active listening by truly engaging with your child. Listening not just to the words they are saying but also to their feelings and emotions. It is also an important component to emotional intelligence.
Effective Communication Strategies For Parents in San Antonio, TX
Building rapport and trust with your child is one of the most important things you can do. It can establish a strong connection with your child that will lay the foundation for better communication and understanding in the future. Your child feeling heard and understood is important for your relationship but also for their development. Active listening is a great way to build this trust.
Active listening is a communication technique that involves really paying attention and absorbing what the other person is saying. It involves repeating back what that person said in your own words, asking questions to get clarification, and reflecting back any emotions the person is exhibiting. It can be difficult for kids to understand and process requests if they don't feel heard. Some active listening techniques for parents include:
Empathetic Listening
This type of listening involves you showing your child that you understand how they are feeling. This helps create a better connection with your child by validating and acknowledging their feelings. It also leads to better emotional intelligence for your child.
Reflective Listening
This is a technique where you repeat back what your child said in your own words. This helps your child better understand what they are saying and can also help you better understand the bigger picture of their thoughts and feelings. It allows your child to also correct any misunderstandings.
Non-Judgmental Listening
Judging or criticizing your child's words can shut down communication and create tension in the relationship. Non-judgmental listening allows your child to feel safe and heard. They will feel safe to share their feelings, thoughts, and emotions without fear of being judged.
Using Positive Reinforcement to Encourage Listening
Positive reinforcement is a great way to show your child that their behavior has been noticed and appreciated. It can be as simple as a smile or hug when they listened to you. It can also be verbal praise or small rewards for following directions. Over time, your child will start to associate listening with positive reinforcement and it will become a habit.
Setting Clear Expectations and Boundaries
Children need structure and thrive on it. If there are no clear expectations or even boundaries when it comes to listening, it can lead to confusion and miscommunication. Setting clear expectations for your child on what is acceptable and what is not can help them better understand the expectations you have for them. For example, when they are talking, you aren't talking, and so forth.
Seeking a Behavioral Consultant's Support in San Antonio, TX
There are moments when techniques or strategies parents have tried don’t work, and they may feel lost or unsure of what to do. This is when seeking a behavioral consultant who specializes in helping parents improve parent-child communications can help. The consultant will work with your family to provide guidance on communication strategies, age-appropriate expectations, and techniques that will foster stronger relationships.
By consulting with a behavior consultant, parents can gain insight into the underlying reasons why their child may not be listening. It can be behavioral or developmental issues causing the problem, and seeking professional intervention can help improve the parent-child relationship. Or, it can be issues with hearing or medical condition that should be addressed. No matter the reason, consulting with a behavior consultant can help parents better understand their child and their needs.
Gain Insight With San Antonio Behavioral Health Counseling with Monarch Behavioral Health Today!
Through San Antonio Behavioral Health Counseling, you and your family can gain insight into how to better communicate with your children and how to foster a stronger parent-child relationship. Our behavioral consultants will work with you to create a plan that best works for your family and individual needs. At Monarch Behavioral Health, we know not being listened to is frustrating but with our help, you can find the right technique and approach to better communication. If you are seeking understanding and support, you can follow these steps:
Contact our therapy office and learn more about our services
Meet with one of our therapists
Learn How Your Child Listens!
Other Therapy Services Offered at Monarch Behavioral Health
Our therapists at Monarch Behavioral Health in Texas understand that you or your loved ones may need more consulting with a behavior consultant. This is why we offer a variety of services to help those in need. Our therapy services include Anxiety Treatment, Depression Treatment, Trauma Therapy, Autism Therapy, Child Counseling, and more. Our team is dedicated to providing support for any struggle you and your family may be facing. Our therapists also offer therapy for children, teens, and adults of all ages. If you or a member of your family have any questions, feel welcome to reach out to our office.